Moonflower Moments

Some people do a life assessment at the beginning of the year, but I do mine in September.  My birthday is in September and this time of year has always been a” back to school moment in the classroom of life” for me.  This year I plan to fill my backpack with books such as Everyday Monet, to remind me to enjoy the beauty of a sunny day and have a picnic in the garden.  I shall also be planting my fall garden and sharing gardening tips for container gardening. Most importantly, I will be carrying my journal with me to record pearls of wisdom that I continue to collect from others on my life’s journey.  The ” circle of friendship” is something that I recently experienced with my mother, Miz Pat, two days before her 102nd birthday. This is something that I shall definitely pack for my journey ahead. 

My friends tell me that I am looking more like my mother every day.  I take this as a compliment because she is an attractive woman and has aged gracefully at 102 years old.  There are many factors that contribute to Miz Pat’s longevity, with good genes in the forefront and her embrace of a healthy lifestyle close behind.   She has lived by herself for over 30 years in a small town where she is one of the most beloved people in her community.  She enjoys her independence and is grateful that she is healthy enough to have that luxury.

One of the hardest things for me about getting older is losing friends and attending memorial services, especially the ones where I am asked to speak.  When someone is confronting death and asks me to speak at their memorial service, I tell them that I would like to write it and share it with them first.  I think that it is important for people to know that they have had an impact on the world they leave behind. I hate to think about losing friends that have been such an integral part of my life, but it is happening far too often now.

I think about how many friends my mother has lost in her lifetime.  For as long as I can remember, she has always had good friends.  While the majority of the friends from her past are no longer with her, she makes new ones.  Most of them are younger than she is, but with her youthful outlook she fits right in.  I recently had an opportunity to think about this as I sat in yet another memorial service for a friend.  I was sitting between two dear friends and thought about this circle of friendship that my mother created and how important that is on the road ahead.

I lost a very dear childhood friend a few months ago and it was as if a piece of my past was taken away.  Years of playing Barbies and planning our future, swimming at the community pool, summer camp, laughter, and innocence. Then the agonizing years of adolescence when growing up was forced upon us.  We weren’t ready to wear a bra, make-up and  hang out with the “cool “kids.  We weren’t ready to leave that wonderful fantasy land that was fueled by our imagination, but at least we had each other to lean on through the awkward transition.

Many of us lost friends during Covid, and I lost another dear friend.  We bonded through our love of the arts, she an artist and I a writer.  She introduced me to the National League of American Pen Women and because of this I have embraced another link in my “circle of friends.”  My sense of loss is only assuaged by the new friends that I have made and the importance that they play in my life.  Like my mother, I will continue to surround myself with friends.

My best friend lives hundreds of miles away, but she is always in my heart.  We talk regularly on the phone, and we make a point to get together several times a year.  It’s truly amazing, but no matter how long we go without seeing each other and then pick up right where we left off the last time.  We have had so many adventures and made so many memories that we have put together scrapbooks to chronicle the past 35 years of our friendship.  We have traveled together around the world, were Grand Marshals  of the parade at Disneyworld, and have gone backstage at the Miss America Pageant.  I am grateful every day to have her in my life .

While I am looking more like my mother, I am also following her advice and adding one of the main secrets of her longevity.  She surrounds herself with friends, both old and new and continues to be a vital part of her community.   I experienced this recently, two days before her 102nd birthday  when she called me from the hospital in the small town that holds Miz Pat in the highest esteem. 

It appears that she was watering plants in the backyard and tripped over a piece of loose concrete on the patio.  As she lay there, she realized that she could pull herself up on a chair and scoot it on the patio until she could get to the sun porch.   She sat there awhile and thought that she would get up and go inside to get the cup of coffee that she had left in the kitchen.  Upon standing, she realized that this was not an option and called  an ambulance to take her to the hospital.  When she called me from the hospital ,I told her that I could be there in three hours.  She told me to wait and see what the x-rays had to say, that her friends were with her and they would call with the results.  I tried to control the natural anxiety that comes from waiting, and then  one of her friends called to tell me that nothing was broken but she had a crack in her pelvis that will heal by itself in time.  She also told me that she would be there with my mom and spend the night if I wanted to wait until the following morning to come up.  She will recover from this fall, and her family and friends will be there every step of the way.

While Miz Pat suffered a bad fall, she found a soft place to land.  Besides a caring family, she has a large network of friends to care for her and she cares for them, especially her Sunday Afternoon Widows Group.  There was usually a group of six or eight friends in the room to see to her every need in her hospital room and while she was receiving physical therapy.   She lives in a small town and like the song says, ”Everybody dies famous in a small town.”  In her case, it is  because she has built relationships like her Sunday Afternoon Widows Group.  These women have created a support network based upon their need to share resources, laughs, and genuine love for each other as they move through the everyday obstacles of life.   Yes, I will definitely add this bit of wisdom to my backpack as I continue my life’s journey.